The Soul of a Poet

I wanted to write this entry weeks ago, but my mother was in town and just did not get around to it. My husband Tracy and I’s wedding anniversary was on March 21st. We have been married for 3 years. Yet, our love story spans 20 years. I met my husband a month or two before my 20th birthday. I believe it was September 1992. A friend introduced us at a bar. The story from my husband is all his friends were talking about this girl Heather and he felt he had to meet her. He met up with his friend Paul at the Apple Pub where I frequented. For me, it was lust at first sight. He was tall and incredible handsome. We played footsie under the table. I remember kissing him that night. My head swam and I knew that someday I would marry him. It was a “you just collided with fate” kind of feeling. And that was a very strange thought for me. At 19 I did not want to get married any time soon. I thought maybe sometime in me early 30’s I would think about marriage, but I had school and a career to create first.

We had spent a few months after that first meeting chasing each other, yet always missing each other. Finally, we ran into each other right after Christmas. We went on our first date to the Metro and Smart Bar. This date has always been the best date I have ever gone on in my life. No date has topped it. But that was it, one date. Later he said  he was not ready for a relationship at the time and was just dating. Of course, that spring he started to go to college where I was attending and I had to watch him saunter past me almost daily. I would go all gooey inside and he would just smile and keep walking. Yet, I still felt I was going to marry him. Of course, I wrote poems about him.

Look upon his shinning face

Watch him walk with style and grace.

See his eyes, a mystery.

Oh, what is to become of me?

I went away to Grad school in DeKalb. In September 1996, I saw him again at a wedding. I remember being so nervous when I got to the reception. The wedding was full of emotional turmoil for me. Mike was there, an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me the year before ending our 3 year relationship. Oh, he had the nerve to bring the girl he cheated on me with even though they were not longer dating. Tracy was there stag. And I came to the wedding as friends with another ex-boyfriend of mine, Jeff. I got drunk before dinner. But something magical happened within all the drama, I had a great time. And there was drama. Jeff left me there and Mike purposely was flaunting the other woman. But I danced most of the night with Tracy and he drove me home. Later that week I called Tracy and soon we were really dating. I use to pick him up at the train station in Geneva, IL and he would spend the weekend. We had 3 nice months together. Than he moved to California. Our parting was bumpy. I was a bit immature. He was running away from his life in Chicago.

Marry me to the moon, since my hand has waded in deeper waters

 The sun can no longer shine its brilliance upon my skin

And my dreams float somewhere way up there

In April 2006, I was living in Southern California as a divorced single parent. My romantic life was non-existent and I yearned for love. One night, I was at my parents’ house in the Californian desert  sitting alone in their backyard. I looked up to the night sky and spoke my heart. I told the stars exactly what I wanted and needed in a man. Then I saw a shooting start. It was my first time I ever saw a shooting star. I knew in my soul the universe heard my plea. Almost a month later, I had a dream. I was at my parents’ old house in Chicago. They were having a party. I was downstairs in the basement (my old room) and Tracy was walking up the stairs. I stopped him and asked him why he was there. He said cryptically, “I have been here the whole time.”  I woke up. I immediately felt I needed to call him. I went to work and told my friend Kristen about my dream. She thought I should find him and thanks to google people search, I did. He was in Chicago. I called my friend Kelli and told her about the dream and what I found. She said I needed to call him. I did that evening.

It had been 9 1/2 years since I spoke to him. I called. When he answered he acted like he did not know me, but then said, “Heather I would never forget your voice.” We talked for about a half hour and  he asked if I wanted to go for a beer. I said  I could not; I lived in California. How funny. We began talking on the phone for a couple of months. I finally came to Chicago for a week visit late June.  We feel madly for each other. By the end of July, I had a job offer out of no where (never even applied) to come back to NIU and start in August. I packed my bags and the rest is history.

Like a masterpiece waiting to be painted

All the colors no longer tainted

with the mysteries of the past

ghosts we thought would haunt us to our last

I pick up a brush with your hand in mine

paint a picture that is simply divine

We look upon it day by day

Love painted it, they will say

My husband said the most wonderful thing to me on our anniversary. He said I was the love of his life. He never said that before and I am sure he has not felt this way all these years. He loved and loves me, but it took him some time to reconcile his past. I just have to say, I knew it all along. Happy Anniversary from the love of your life.